The Dos and Don’ts of Communication

There are those times when we ponder as to; ‘What went wrong in a relationship?’ Be it a romantic or a platonic friendship, often there is a breakdown in communication causing the relationship to suffer drastically. In many cases the answer lies in ‘What’ is communicated or ‘How’ it is communicated. Very often the ‘When’ of the communication also defines and sets the tone for the relationship.

The following 10 points enumerated will help you to understand the various nuances of the Dos and Don’ts as they pan out in daily living.

1. Remember that communication is between two or more people, so when you communicate it is always about the other person’s understanding of your message or how they interpret your message.
2. Remember to keep your messages congruent. That means that a single level of meaning emerging from your message is more likely to be accepted by the person getting the message.
3. Remember that non verbal communication accounts for most of the communication delivered. Let your non verbal communication and verbal communication be congruent in its message essence.
4. If at first your communication message is not received well by the person you are communicating with then you need to adapt and readapt that communication delivery in a flexible and creative manner so as to make the communication understood by the one you communicate with.
5. Break your communication down into being very specific; especially if you want to elicit a particular response from the one you are communicating with.
6. Take responsibility for your failed outcomes of communication. So you and only you have the task to change the way you communicate so that the message is understood by the one you communicate with.
7. Observe the non verbal and facial expressions of the person you communicate with. This will provide essential feedback to you in case you need to change your communication.
8. Remember it is not the words you use or the high level of language used that aids communication. Rather it is how you give your communication that matters.
9. Remember if you want a specific outcome from your communication it is always better to state it in positive terms. Avoid using the word NOT and DON’T and replace it with the words CAN and HAVE.
10. Lastly, remember that it is ok to make mistakes in communicating with people. The trick is to be persistent and creative to try again and you will surely get the desired response.
    Communication is at the core of any relationship. If a slip up in communicating is periodically negated then the relationship suffers to a great extent.

If you feel that you lack communicative skills in social settings or in a relationship please contact a therapist who can guide you to be more fulfilled in your relationship.